Transform burnout, self-doubt, and feeling low into being on FIRE and in the FLOW with Soul Authority Coaching 

WHAT IS SENSITIVITY SHAME©?

Humanity's self-destruction is deeply rooted in sensitivity shame© and disdain of sacred feminine power:

life-giving energies that are creative, intuitive, interconnected, Earth-aligned, nurturing, vulnerable, and mysterious.

- Loraine Van Tuyl

Many highly sensitive people (HSP) realize as early as in kindergarten (me) that something is not quite right. I shed more tears than my siblings, friends, and cousins combined, and was flat-out told that these tears were ‘crocodile tears’ and not real. Why? Because they lacked ‘good reason’ — as if feelings ran on logic. In grade school, HSP like me often get teased for being cry babies. I was even sent to the principal's office so she could address my excessive crying.

Sensitivity Scapegoating© and Sensitivity Shame© — terms I coined — are rooted in age-old persecution fear and modern-day mistreatment that scare HSP into self-sabotaging our power and scattering our energy. They are the result of pervasive neuroformative and capitalistic pressures to perform and produce according to social norms and standards of success that disdain our neurodiversity and sensitivity and regard them as weak, inferior, and fragile.

Rational decision-making, logic, stoicism, emotional disconnection, and exploitation of the self and the Earth as lifeless objects and inexhaustible generators of energy and resources are more common than not. When our soft animal bodies, our big hearts, and our complex, mysterious, and limited human selves fall short and behave unpredictably (likely in protest), we still blame ourselves for "not being good enough," "a loser," "abnormal," and "flawed" and become terrified of failing and of imagined and real rejection. Without guidance and support, we doubt what we know in our bones - that we're carrying an extra heavy load of (shadow) baggage that isn't ours and that undermines our power.

THE TRUTH: HSP are prime targets because our sensitivity and connection to a deeper truth are threatening the collective shadow and status quo. Our sheer existence pokes at deeply buried shame around our human vulnerability that's rooted in centuries of patriarchal oppression, toxic masculinity, and colonialism. 

HSP often grow up being the scapegoat or the black sheep in a family or a social group. Our intuition may cause us to unwittingly or clumsily expose the shadow in others in defense by pushing buttons, ruffling feathers, or playing devil's advocate, hoping that calling out the problem would make it stop but our unskilled efforts were often not well-received.

Throughout our lives, we receive explicit or implicit messages that we are "trouble," "overreacting," "too intense," "dramatic," "stirring chaos," "too much or not enough," and "over-the-top", bombarding our brain with beliefs that we are bad, abnormal, defective, and inherently unlovable or inadequate. All this gets woven into our sense of self. Consequently, we become distrustful and even begin to hate our true nature, and sometimes completely abandon our natural genius to fit in. 

Not only do HSP experience all feelings, especially shame, more intensely and deeply than most, we are more self-conscious and "shame-prone" according to Elaine Aron compared to non-HSP, around a whole rainbow of issues. What's worse, we end up internalizing this very sophisticated and targeted flavor of shame –sensitivity shame© – that specifically attacks and sabotages our core self and authenticity and causes us to turn our backs on ourselves - convinced that we were born with a self-destructive trait which feeds this self-fulfilling prophecy. 

A different outcome becomes possible when we realize that being highly sensitive is a super power and offers us many more gifts than challenges. These need to be carefully unpacked, understood, and integrated in alignment with our authentic self which is only possible when we stay the course and don't get derailed by the constant onslaught of crises, intense feelings, moving parts, challenging situations, sinking news, school or work demands, and ongoing personal and relational growing pains.

"I think of the first moment of shame as an initiation into human society. Your capacity to feel the horrible pain of shame has been turned on, like burning yourself for the first time. The pain will make you try your hardest not to feel it again, just as you will try never to burn yourself again. I am convinced that HSPs are more shame-prone than others."

- Elaine Aaron (Click here for full article HSP & Shame)

"Toxic shame is not something we are born with. It comes from the negative external messages and cues we’ve been exposed to that become applied to part of our identities. That shame may come from a religion, culture, or upbringing."

- Erika Morris, JD, MA, LMFT, creative & queer HSP & therapist

Sensitivity Shame© can disguise itself as SORRY, NO ACCESS or BREAK FOR YOU, as a deep-seated insecurity, social anxiety, self-consciousness, self-loathing, impostor syndrome, and/or fear and confirmation of failure, not deserving good, or rejection. It is hands-down the biggest confidence block, relationship blindspot, and opportunity cost that hold big-hearted BIPOC (Black Indigenous People of Color), HS healers, and women leaders back from realizing our fullest potential. 

Fortunately, our emotions and energy are more stubbornly linked to clarity that can puncture and see through the illusion of patriarchal sucker punches and low blows, especially when in supportive community. We feel compelled to follow and honor this truth because of the instant relief that reconnecting to it offers. It's the reason why so many of us are tripling-down with Soul Authority tools and staking out spiritual space. 

Soul Authority composts and transforms debilitating Sensitivity Shame© and Sensitivity Scapegoating©  into fuel that energizes our path of liberation. By honoring healthy anger and grief associated to the loss of our true nature and authentic self, we are able to realign our energetic boundaries, first as an inside job, then with all the energies around us. This greatly reduces our proneness to Sensitivity Shame© and Sensitivity Scapegoating© and cultivates the agency and audacity we need to reclaim our HS super powers, Own our Natural Genius Zone®, and blaze new trails just by healing and trusting ourselves.

SOUL AUTHORITY TIP: When sacred anger and energetic boundary work is avoided, it grows into an insurmountable block that makes HSP very susceptibility to manipulative "love bombing" or "admiration bombing" (feasts and famine of this) by narcissists, who are well-known for being the least interested in transforming their own shame, ego-defenses, and grandiosity. Because of our sensitivity shame® (lack of self-trust), self-blame, and bleeding-heart tendencies, we have a hard time discerning between carrying vs caring and often end up taking (grandiose) responsibility for other people's unhealed wounds and/or being taken for granted.